I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So apparently I’m into choking now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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