She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
