Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
