i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
