is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
