I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
