fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I could fuck to npr.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
