It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
