wanna go halves on a baby?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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