dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
