we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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