Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
