She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
