She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
