Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
