Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
