i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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