So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
