I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
