i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
