Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
