I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
