The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
