birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
