did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
