Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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