dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
