So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
