420 ftw
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
