So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
