maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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