i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
