I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
