the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
