the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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