Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
