i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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