I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
