it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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