You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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