If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
