i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
