i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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