Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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