Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
