When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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