Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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