literally had 100 drinks last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
