Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
