my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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